GETTING CLEANED UP...

We try to give David freedom to make some of his own choices.  One of the choices he gets every morning is whether or not I will shave him.  I realized on Wednesday how "normal" David is when he asked me to shave him, because David only wants me to shave him on Sundays and Wednesdays which happen to be the days we go to church.  David understands and knows that he is supposed to be clean and neat for the church services.  It doesn't matter how the people in his normal routine of daily life see David, but he wants everything to look just right when he gets to church.

How often do I go to church with everything looking just right on the outside, but I haven't cleaned up the inside.  I go to the services with my heart full of self and pride and the mistaken belief that I'm okay.   Maybe I've not been a submissive wife, or maybe I've not done something I knew God wanted me to do, but because I look "cleaned up" one the outside everyone thinks that all is okay between me and God.  My heart knows the difference, but I still put up the facade of spirituality and righteousness. 

I'm working to pursue God more and more.  One of the things that I am working on is the inside of me - my heart.  I want my heart to be as clean and "just right" with God as the outside looks.  I don't just want to clean up for Sundays and Wednesdays, I want to clean up for every hour of every day.  God deserves my whole heart and I want it clean for Him.

I - N - N... INN

For years, David has known how to finger spell his name and give his phone number in sign language.  He also knows a few other important signs, such as potty, eat, pop, help, etc.  I am now trying to teach David finger-spelling of all words.  This isn't really a difficult task because David enjoys looking at magazines and has often asked us to verbally spell specific words (shampoo, hotel, for, never, Chevrolet, etc.)  My goal is to help David learn to communicate with us better.

One day, while running some errands, we were stopped near a LaQuinta Inn.  Now, if you know David at all, you know that he loves vacations and he loves hotels, motels, and inns.  Anywhere he can lie down on someone else's bed and watch TV is a good thing to him.  So, here are we waiting by a LaQuinta Inn and David wants to spell it out.  Instead of just verbally spelling it, I take the time to teach him how to finger spell each letter.  The LaQuinta part didn't stick, but the Inn part did.  David is constantly (at least from my perspective) spelling I-N-N.  David wants to go on a vacation, and this is his way of communicating that to me.

On Saturday afternoon, Rich, David and I went out to lunch with our older brother John.  We were sitting at the table talking about nothing special when all of a sudden David starts spelling D-A-Y-S   I-N-N.  Days Inn is David's most favorite hotel chain.  He finds their ads in his magazines and comes running to show us and to spell the words out.  So, back to the restaurant.  We spelled  D-A-Y-S   I-N-N  for David several times.  When done, John just starts laughing.  He comments about how David's thoughts are fixated on hotels, and Days Inn in particular.  There was nothing about our conversation that would have prompted David to think of vacation or travels.  Days Inn was just on his mind.  John even related David's behavior to a Far Side cartoon where a man is having a conversation with a dog, but the thought bubble over the dog's head shows the dog is just thinking "woof, woof, woof."

For nine and a half years, our pastor has been trying to get our church to incorporate the very real person of Jesus Christ into our everyday existance.  Bro. Schaap is trying to teach us that Jesus should be a part of every thought we have, every action we take, etc.  Last night I realized that David is more aware of the presence of Days Inns and the joy they give him than I am of the presence of Jesus Christ and all He gives to me.  I was very convicted.  So, my goal is to start walking around thinking about J-E-S-U-S and making Him a part of every thought and action.  Will you join me?

THROWING A FIT!

Today started off like every other day - everything was going great and I was even ahead of schedule!  I woke David up and got him dressed and ready for workshop.  After he was dressed I came to the kitchen and cooked him some breakfast.  Then, when it was time I told David to get his lunchbox so I could take him to work and go to work myself.  That's when the first thought of trouble entered my mind.  I couldn't find my car keys.  I tried not to panic, and I started thinking through the day before to remember where I placed the keys.  Then, the realization hit me...  the keys were locked in the car.  Yesterday was a day of shuffling cars hither and yon.  Because I didn't have any pockets in my skirt, I placed my keys in the glove box when Rich picked me up.  When we got home, I forgot to take the keys out.  By the time I realized my predicament, Rich was already long gone at work, and unable to rescue me. 

Now, I can adjust to having a day home.  There are always numerous things I can do to fill my time.  David, however, is another story.  David is autistic and does not handle change well at all.  David did not understand why one minute he is going to work and the next minute I'm telling him to put his lunch back in the fridge.  He was most upset.  So upset, in fact, that he screamed, cried and threw a fit for over nine hours.  My patience was tried all day long.  Now, it's not David's fault that I messed up his routine, but I did hope he would have some ability to be flexible.  He never did understand, and even now, twelve hours later, David is still upset and agitated.

David's behavior makes me wonder if God looks at me like I look at David.  There are times that God adjusts my life and my schedule in very unexpected ways.  I try not to throw a fit, but sometimes I do.  I try to be flexible and allow God to lead me, but sometimes I pout for hours and unfortunately, days at a time.  While trying to maintain my patience today I couldn't help but thank God for the countless times He has been patient with me and my fits.  I am so glad that "His mercy endureth forever."  Aren't you?

AM I READY FOR CHURCH?

It's Saturday evening at our house.  Rich is away at Deacon's meeting and I am finishing up some printing for Sunday school class tomorrow.  It has been my practice for many years to fully prepare for Sundays the day before so that I'm not rushed and frazzled trying to get out the door.  I've already done my ironing and by the time I go to bed tonight, everything will be ready for tomorrow. 

David loves going to church and he also prepares for Sundays without any prompting on our part.  David knows that he always gets his shower on Saturdays for Sunday, so as soon as we wake up on Saturday morning, David starts asking for his bath.  David also "supervises" me as I do the ironing to make sure that he has clothes for the next day as well.  However, David's most important preparation comes as soon as we go to bed on Saturday night; when Rich and I go into our bedroom and close the door, David immediately takes his Bible and places it on a chair by the front door.  David doesn't want to forget his Bible, because David knows he is supposed to take it to church with him and because David loves his Bible.

So, as I sit here finishing up my Saturday evening preparations, I'm wondering if I'm as ready for church as David is.  Yes, I will have all the clothes ironed.  Yes, I will have all my Sunday school paperwork packed and ready.  Yes, we will all have showered and puffed and powdered.  And yes, I will even make sure my Bible gets packed in my church bag tomorrow morning after I read it.  But sometimes, I wonder if I do all these things because I'm supposed to or because I love the Lord and I want to.  Tonight, before going to bed, I am going to make sure my heart is right and that I am doing these things because I want to.  How about you?

LIVE IN THE MOMENT!!!

We have several routines in our life, one of them involves David's Saturday morning activities.  Each Saturday morning, we take David to the store and allow him to pick out a magazine, a bag of chips and a bottle of diet pop.  This has been a part of David's routine for over twenty years.  I'm writing this on a Friday evening, a little after 5 p.m.  As soon as we walked in the door this evening, David put his lunchbox away and then came and immediately asked me using his limited sign language if he was going to get a book tomorrow.  I told him yes.  Ten minutes later he came out of his bedroom and asked me the same question again.  Ten minutes later, he came into the kitchen where I was and asked me again.  His asking and my answering him will go on all night long.  He's so focused on tomorrow morning's activity that he is unable to enjoy his Friday evening fully.  There have been times we have been traveling on vacation, but that doesn't matter.  Friday night he starts asking about his book regardless of what we are doing.

I know I am so often guilty of going to God and saying, "God, what about tomorrow?  What's going to happen?"  While today is a great day and God has blessed abundantly.  Instead of enjoying what I have, I worry about what may never be.  My goal is to enjoy tonight.  Enjoy the beautiful weather.  Enjoy the time with my husband when he gets home from work.  Enjoy the meal that I was able to cook because God gave us provisions.  I am even going to try to enjoy telling David every ten minutes that he will get his book tomorrow!  How about you ~ what will you enjoy today?

I WANT IT NOW!!!

One of the most frustrating things about caring for David is his inability to understand the word patience.  For example, I made some sausage for dinner tonight.  David really likes sausage and wasn't thrilled with waiting for Rich to get home to eat dinner.  So, while I would stand at the stove and stir the green beans or make sure the sausage water hadn't boiled down, David would be hovering right behind me either asking to eat (via sign language and grunts) or pounding his chest because I said no.  My husband was delayed coming home, so this went on for over an hour.  Times like this make it hard for me to be patient and calm.

As we were driving to church I was telling Rich how impatient David was about dinner tonight, and how he was acting as if he hadn't had a bite to eat in months.  Then I got to thinking if God ever thinks of me in those same terms.  How often have I seen God's Hand working out situations in my life, but instead of waiting for "dinner" to be served I go to God and say, "I want it now!  I don't want to wait for everything to be just how You want it.  Give me what I want!"  God doesn't ever seem to be in a hurry, especially for things I want.  But God knows best and He will serve His work in my life when it's just right ~ not before, and not after.  So, the next time David starts throwing a fit because he can't have what he wants when he wants it, I'm going to remember to ask God to forgive me for my impatience.