CORNERED!!!

David does not like having his face washed.  He will contort his body and  turn his head and back away from me whenever I try to wash his face.  Some days he is adament that he does not want his face washed and he will do whatever he can to keep it from happening.  On those days, I normally try to let him contort himself into a corner.  Once he's in a corner and has no place left to go, I am able to clean his face and we can go on about our day. 

The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:6 - "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth."  When we have sin in our lives, if we are God's child, He will chasten us.  Maybe not immediately - because God's timetable isn't the same as ours; but, He will chasten us.

In my own life, I have learned that it is much better to go to God when I have sinned and confess and take what's coming.  When I refuse to admit my sins and I keep pretending that there isn't a problem, God always gets me "cornered" and forces me to deal with the problem.  Life is so much better if we just allow the cleaning without all the emotional drama and fighting.  David may never learn this lesson, but I hope I do...

Cleaning Quietly...

Let me start by saying that I am not a neatness nut by any definition.  I am oblivious to dirt and dust.  I know it exists, but since it isn't trying to hurt me, I normally don't try to hurt it!!  However, this past weeked, the dirt was starting to bother me.  With all the rain we have had, the dog had tracked in a lot of mud.  Also, the pets are all shedding their winter coats and there were fur balls everywhere! 

Rich had to be at work very early on Monday morning, and he was able to leave the house without waking David.  I decided to try to do some cleaning while David was still sleeping.  David doesn't like when I clean - not that the act of cleaning is bothersome to him, he just does not like when the cleaning supplies are taken out of their storage locations for use.  Depending on his mood, something like moving cleaning supplies can cause him to be grumpy all day long!!

Anyway, while David was sleeping, I quietly swept the whole house.  I made sure to move slowly and to be quiet and I was careful not to bump anything that might make noise.  While cleaning quietly, I was thinking about my relationship with God.  When I have my devotions, it seems that I am able to clean my heart more thoroughly and effectively when I am slow and quiet.  If I try to rush through my time with God, I don't do a good job of getting the cobwebs of sin out of my heart.  My relationship with God may look good from those who are quickly passing by, but there is dirt in the corners.  There is a reason for God to tell us to "Be still..." 

As I sat down to have my devotions, I was happy to see dust-bunny free floors.  But I was also reminded to be sure that I took the time to make sure that I have a dust-bunny free heart, too.

Rules...

David loves when we play solitaire (with real cards, not on the computer).  David isn't interested in the game as much as stacking the cards in order by suite from Ace to King.  As I am dealing the cards or counting out the three to see if there are any moves during the game, it is not unusual for David to eagerly (and sometimes roughly) grab a card that he needs to put on one of the piles - especially if it is an Ace to start a pile.  It is not unusual for me to cheat and to count out only one or two cards at a time just so that David can get the cards he needs to make his stacks.

This afternoon as we were playing Solitaire, I decided to see how David would react if I made weird moves - like putting a jack on a seven.  He noticed and did not like me cheating like that.  I laughed at him because the next move he pulled a six card out of the middle of the three cards I counted out to put on one of his piles.  I guess the rules only apply to me, not him.

As a Christian, I often act the same way.  I think it's okay to break one of God's rules to suit what I want or think i need, but I expect everyone else to do right all the time.  God told us that everything should be done decently and in order (I Corinthians 14:40).  That tells me that God is very interested in things being done according to the rules He has provided for us in the Bible.  I may think I am accomplishing my desires and goals by bending or breaking the rules, but I am not.  What David and I do isn't really playing Solitaire.  I tell people we play Solitaire, but we really don't, because we don't follow the rules. 

Breaking the rules playing Solitaire with David has no eternal repurcussions.  But in living our lives for God, everything we do has eternal ramifications.  I needed this reminder to today as I try to live by God's rules, and not mine.

A Sip vs. A Whole Bottle

Let me confess to you that I am a water-obsessed person.  I never go out without bringing a bottle of water to me.  Often several bottles of water.  As we were driving home from church today, David kept trying to drink the last swallow of water out of my water bottle.  I kept handing him his unopened, and still full bottle of water instead.  He didn't want the full bottle, he just wanted to finish off my bottle. 

David does that all the time.  He will literally hover over us while we are drinking our water and as soon as there is only a swallow left, he will try to take the bottle from us.  We always tell David to go get his own bottle and to leave our last swallow alone.

I don't know why David only wants the last dredges of our beverages, but he does.  He is happy to get the backwash and the who-knows-what germs that are on the bottle mouth.  He feels successful when he gets an almost-empty bottle of water, especially if he can sneak it from us. 

As I thought about his behavior this afternoon, I wondered how often I have been willing to settle for less than all God has for me.  Instead of reading my Bible on my own and letting God talk to me directly, I settle for reading the little devotionals that pop up in my email inbox.  Or maybe instead of spending time in prayer and communing with my Father, I settle for a song on the radio that makes me feel good. 

God wants us to have abundance - or full bottles, if you will.  John 10:10b tells us that God was "come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  Psalms 36:8 tells us that "They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures."   There are many other instances where the Bible tells us that God intended us to do things abundantly.  We shouldn't settle for little sips of God's goodness.  We need to pursue and grasp all the abundance He has for us!  A full bottle is always better than a little sip!
 

Chosen...

When I was a young girl, I made a conscious CHOICE that if I had any control over the situation, I would take care of David when I became an adult. There are many things that led to this CHOICE, but it was a very determined CHOICE. Now, when I made this decision, David was not potty trained. He wasn't potty trained until he was 12 years old. David didn't behave well. He threw fits numerous times a day. He couldn't talk (still can't), he couldn't communicate in any meaningful way, and to many people he had no usefulness.

As a child, teenager and young adult, I helped take care of David. I bathed him. I shaved him. I changed his diaper. I did everything for him - not because I had to do so, but because I CHOSE to do so.

After Rich and I were married for several years, we decided it was time for David to come live with us. Again, this decision was not forced on us - it was what we CHOSE to do. When David came to live with us, it was a year of great challenges as we tried to train David to behave and obey us. For a year, he screamed and we prayed. But it was okay because we CHOSE to endure the difficulty because we love David.

Fast forward many years. David has improved in many ways, but he still has his days of being difficult and ornery. The last few days have been days of big attitude and fits from David. Yesterday afternoon, while he was throwing a fit because I wouldn't let him eat a 2nd lunch after his first lunch, I told David, "You know, it's okay that you are throwing a fit. I CHOSE to take care of you and it doesn't matter what you do!" No sooner had I said the words to David and the Holy Spirit said to me, "That's what Jesus did for you."

You see, when Jesus decided that He would willingly come to earth and die for my sins, He did so knowing that I don't behave well. He knew that I would throw fits and that I don't always communicate with Him in any useful way. And that, really, He didn't need me for anything, so in a sense I was useless to Him. But He CHOSE to come anyway. There are times that I obey and try really hard to please Jesus, but the truth is that I still have days where I am difficult and ornery. I sometimes throw a fit because God won't give me what I want or think I need. And when I do, God says to me, "It's okay. No matter what you do, I will always love you." I am CHOSEN. I am wanted. I am loved. What an overwhelming thought!

You have been CHOSEN, too. Jesus wants you and loves you just as much as He loves me. His patience is longsuffering and His love is eternal. If you have never accepted Him, do so right now. There's no better place to be than in the life of Someone that wants you - no matter your condition!

LEARNING TIME...

In the last few weeks, I have been working with David and trying to teach him more signs - especially finger spelling. He has picked up on it very well. My goal has been to teach David how to spell words that will be helpful for everyday living - specific foods, clothing, etc. David, however, has had other ideas. David has decided he wants to learn what is important to him - hotel, travel, vacation, etc. It's really been funny. If he wants anything to eat while at home, before I let him have it, I make him finger spell whatever it is - "Slim Jim," "granola bar," "turkey," etc. David will later come out of his bedroom with a magazine and want to learn how to spell "Country Inn and Suites," "Marriott," "Holiday Inn," "Canada," "California," etc.

I am very happy that David is trying to learn finger spelling, even if it's not the words that I want him to learn. I know that if he learns finger spelling the words he likes he will have a greater ability to finger spell other words in time.

However, this whole adventure has me thinking... I'm sure that at any given time of my life God is trying to teach me something - patience, love, forgiveness, etc. But am I really trying to learn what God wants me to learn or am I going back to God and asking him to teach me the things I want to learn - life with no trouble, rest, relaxation - instead. God is such a kind God that He often gives me the things I want, but because He is so good, He also knows that I need to learn the lessons He wants to teach because that will lead me to the things I really want.

Today, Lord, please open my heart to the lessons You want me to learn. Those are the ones I really need.

HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP...

As mentioned in previous posts, David is our laundry police. For whatever reason he can not tolerate it when the laundry isn't done every day. One of David's work responsibilities each morning is to take the laundry basket from the bedroom to the laundry room. In our laundry room, I normally place the clothes that need to go to the dry cleaners folded in a corner of my counter space. Every Monday morning, after bringing the laundry basket to the laundry room, David pulls out anything he THINKS should be dry cleaned and throws it into the corner. His "help" wouldn't be so bad if he only pulled out the things that really do need to go to the cleaners. But he often just grabs a handful of stuff - dress shirt (good), undershirt (not good), one sock (not good), handkerchief (not good) and sometimes even a pajama top or bottom! Since I'm not known for being a morning person, I don't always check the corner when I start my load of laundry for the day. Then later on as I'm folding the clothes, I realize I'm missing __________. Sure enough, it's in my dry cleaning corner.

David's assistance with the laundry does not always help me. I wonder if God looks at us trying to manipulate our lives and circumstances to what we think is best and we interfere with His planning. Our God is a loving God, so I would imagine He says with compassion, "They are just trying to help." But our help isn't really help at all.

In my own life I need to stop trying to figure everything out and I need to trust. Of course, it seems easier to "work" than it is to trust, but God expects and deserves my trust. Today, I am going to try to trust Him more than yesterday and realize that He does not need my help!

DAVID - THE POLITICAL ACTIVIST!!

Today, SouthSTAR Services (the workshop David attends) took a group of people to downtown Chicago to protest the proposed budget cuts the state of Illinois is considering making to groups and agencies that serve the disabled.  These budget cuts are more cuts in a series of cuts over the last few years.  Services are already at very diminished levels and many agencies have not received payments from the state in several months.

Anyway, I volunteered to go downtown to help support the cause.  I brought David with me, and we enjoyed the van ride down with several other clients.  Once we got downtown, there was a group of people gathered at the State of Illinois building carrying signs and bonding over a shared concern.  Once the speakers got up, the crowd starting chanting in unison "This budget is upside down!"  Now, I'll be honest; David just sat in his wheelchair and didn't do much of anything.  I, however, got into the spirit and was chanting with everyone else!  Another speaker got up and had the crowd chanting in Spanish!

All of that to say that we become what the crowd we run with is.  I am by no means an activist.  I normally would not go anywhere and chant and yell and carry on.  It's not my natural personality.  But I was with a group of people who did, and guess what, so did I!

We have to be so careful the crowd we hang around and with whom we associate.  If we want to live lives that are clean and pure, we should have as friends people who are clean and pure.  If you never go to a bar, if you never are around people who drink, and you avoid that atmosphere, it's pretty likely you will never take a drink.  However, even the person most against drinking would probably end up drinking if they spent all their free time in a bar.

So today I've taken a look at what I want to be in this life and I've looked at the friends I have to ensure that they are what I want to be.  What do you want to be?   

You messed up? We'll help!

This post isn't about any specific behavior of David's.  Rather, it's because of a comment someone made to me recently. 

A little background:  We have two dogs.  Zeus, a champagne shepherd, is 7 years old.  In the last year, Zeus has had a couple of strokes.  The first stroke left him unable to walk normally.  He staggers like a drunk after a long weekend.  The second stroke has left him partially blind.  Zeus still is a happy dog, but he needs a little extra attention.

Our second dog, Trudie is a schnauzer-yorkie mix. Trudie is fourteen years old.  Trudie came to live with us just a couple of months ago when her human had a stroke, ended up in the hospital and then in a nursing home.  Because of Trudie's age, she has a lot of "accidents," and thus, wears a diaper.  She also has an eye that just gunks all the time and requires cleaning several times a day.

We have three cats.  The oldest cat, Lucy, is about ten years old.  Lucy has no difficulties, she's just demanding and wants constant attention. 

Ditto is our second cat. Ditto is about seven years old and has a TON of attitude.  She's downright mean if she doesn't like you, and she really doesn't like anyone except me and Rich, and there are times she doesn't like us either. 

Cleo is our third cat.  Cleo is also about seven years old.  Cleo is very schizoid.  She wants attention, but she's afraid of everything. She also doesn't groom herself very well and often needs assistance to get the mats out of her fur. That is challenging because she doesn't like to be held.

Of course, if you've read this blog at all, you know that David has his quirks and habits that make life more interesting.  I'm not going to divulge all of my or Rich's weaknesses or unique personality traits.

So, we are a house full of misfits and challenges.  A friend recently commented to me that she felt like we are always taking care of someone or something.  I laughed with her, but I've since thought about it a lot.  On Sunday, our pastor made a comment about how Jesus was a servant and every person He met He looked for ways to help that person.  I would like to think that we do the same thing. Yes, we take care of our pets that have special needs, and we do it happily - we love our pets.  We take care of David and his special needs, and we do it happily - we love David very much.

The question is, do we look for others who have special needs to help them?  Do we look for the people with broken hearts to offer them the comfort Jesus can offer?  Do we look for the people with anger and loneliness and offer them the never-ending presence of a calming Christ?  Do we look for the people who exhibit behavior that chases people away and show them the unconditional love of a Saviour? 

We are not perfect and we don't always want to get involved in the hurts of others.  It takes a lot of work and effort, and it's exhausting.  But we realize how much has been given to us and how much we owe to those who took the time to help "fix" us when we were broken and didn't even realize it.

So, we are going to continue offering the help we can give through the Master Fixer, Jesus Christ.  There is nothing He can not fix and make better.  We promise.

LET'S GIVE SOME CREDIT...

Rich is a BIG FAN of old TV westerns.  The other day, Rich was watching an episode of Wagon Train from 1959.  David came out of his room just as the show ended and the show credits started rolling.  David stopped in front of the TV and just stood there fascinated.  He didn't move until the last credit had scrolled by.  He does the same thing with his old cartoons, or anytime credits scroll down the screen.

I'm not sure why David is so fascinated with watching credits, but let me tell you how his behaviour has provoked my spirit...

I have no idea what it takes to put together a TV show, or any major production.  I do know it takes scores of people doing so many things that I will never realize.  The only acknowledgement those people receive is to have their names run across the screen so quickly you can't hardly read it. 

Each of us have scores of people who have made investments in our lives.  Some people - maybe dad and mom - have starring roles and receive prime "billing" in our lives.  We tell stories of the things they have done or said that made a difference.  Some people are primary characters in our lives and receive acknowledgement at times.  But there are scores of people who have played a role in making us who we are.  There are Sunday school teachers, school teachers, friends, parents of friends, and so many others who are important to our life story but are never really acknowledged by us.  These would be the people whose names are listed at the end of the show.

I would love to say that I remember every person who has made a difference in my life, but I can't.  I would love to say that I could recount every moment of my life and tell you how a particular interaction helped make me who I am today, but I can't.  Our God knows all of the details that I can't remember.  Someday, our God will give credit to all the people who deserve it, and I'm looking forward to that day.

In the meantime, I am trying to be attentive to the people who are cast members in my life.  Each person has a vital role in my life's story and I am thankful for the part they play in making me who I am!

ON OUR BEST BEHAVIOR!

As I've frequently mentioned, David loves to travel.  For some reason he is enamored with hotel rooms.  Later this week we are taking a small trip down to Tennessee where Rich has family.  David knows we are going (he will repeatedly pick up the hotel confirmation I have printed and laugh), and has been on his best behavior.  He's behaving so well because he knows if he's been good, the trip will be much more rewarding and enjoyable for him.  When he behaves, we will reward and let him pick out a cartoon DVD at Cracker Barrell or let him get a bag of chips at a gas station when we stop to fuel.  When he has been misbehaving, we do not reward his bad behavior and he isn't allowed any special treats.

As Christians, we are on a trip to Heaven.  We should be on our best behavior because there will be rewards for us if we do what we are supposed to do.  Our Heavenly Father is building a home for us, and I like to think that we can get upgrades to our heavenly home by how we behave on our trip home.  I want to reach my final destination and have lots of goodies to experience at the ultimate vacation spot.  So today, I am trying to be on my best behavior - how about you?

NEVER SATISFIED...

It's a normal Saturday in our home.  We woke up this morning and I made a big Saturday breakfast for all of us.  I made some cheese omelets, Jimmy Dean sausage and some microwave bacon.  Later on, I took David to Walgreens for his weekly treat of a magazine, bag of chips and bottle of diet soda.   After leaving Walgreens I stopped and picked up a little treat for all of us. 

As soon as we got in the van to go to Walgreens, David started using his sign language to ask for food.  He had just eaten a big breakfast, but he wanted more.  While in Walgreens David asked repeatedly to eat.  When we left Walgreens David was asking to eat.  When I left the little snack shop David was asking to eat.  When we got home and ate the snack, David was asking to eat.  David has been coming to us and asking to eat about every five minutes. 

David had a big breakfast, a snack and has a bag of chips and soda in his room, but he's not satisified.  He wants more.  I'll start cooking dinner in a few minutes, but David still won't be satisfied.  As soon as dinner is finished, David will ask to eat something else.  If we have some kind of dessert or after dinner snack, David will still be asking to eat.

David's not hungry, he's had plenty to eat.  Now, I understand that David has physiscal reasons for never being satiated, but a spiritual application can be made.  God gives and gives to us so much more than we need.  But how often do we overlook all we have and crave what God has not yet given to us.  We live in a society where contentment is not a fostered attitude.  Commercials are trying to convince us we need the newest and brightest of everything.  Our pride tells us we need to keep up with the Jones' next door.  Even in church we want to make sure we have a new dress on Easter because our friends will have a new dress on Easter Sunday.

There are times I look around our home and am amazed at all the STUFF we have.  Even our home is too much!  There are two rooms and a basement we don't even use except once or twice a year.  But those rooms are all furnished nicely.  There are pictures on the walls.  God has given me more than I need, but I can easily find myself wanting more.

Today, I am going to try to be content in whatsoever state I am.  God is good to me - it doesn't matter if I have the newest of anything.  If the dress I wear on Easter Sunday is several years old it doesn't matter.  Easter Sunday isn't about the dress I wear, it's about the resurrected Saviour who defeated death to give me life.  I want to be satisfied with God's goodness.  How about you?

LOOK AT HOW FAR WE'VE COME!

Our family recently returned from a much needed vacation to Disney World in Florida.  We think Disney is one of David's most favorite places in the world!  We've been talking about how far David has come in regards to traveling.  Growing up, our family finances were always strained and I can only remember one trip, although our family took two family vacations.  When I was about three and David five, our family went to Florida to visit some family and to Disney World.  I do not remember this trip at all.  When I was about ten and David twelve, we went to West Virginia to visit family friends.  That trip has stories all it's own.  So, needless to say, David was not used to traveling, and had never stayed in a hotel.

The very first "vacation" Rich and I took David on was to visit some friends in Kokomo, Indiana.  It was to be a simple, one-night stay in a hotel to see how he would do.   David really enjoys driving in the car, so the drive down was great.  David seemed excited when we went into our hotel room.  (David loves lying in bed and watching TV, and that's how hotel rooms are set up!)

We had been in the hotel room for about an hour when we started preparing to go meet our friends for dinner.  Everything was going smoothly until we left the hotel room without our luggage.  David went bonkers!  We think he was afraid he'd never see his shape-sorter toy again!  Thankfully our friends were so understanding about David's constant groaning, moaning and waving his arms.  When we returned to the hotel room, it was as if you could actually feel David's blood pressure dropping when he realized his toy was safe and sound!

Fast forward about twelve years.  We now travel at least yearly with David.  He lives for the next hotel stay.  David has learned how to finger spell Days Inn and Disney and will frequently ask us to spell those words with him to let us know he's ready for another trip.  We have taken David to Disney World several times, Disney Land, Boston, Knoxville numerous times, Branson, and even on a cruise.  David is a great traveler.

David still has to grow in his traveling skills.  Disney started a great service several years ago that's called Magical Express.  If you are staying in one of their hotels, they will pick you up at the airport and take care of all your luggage - you don't even have to get it at baggage claim.   The first time we used this service David was nervous because we were "leaving" our luggage behind.  This most recent trip, I don't think David even thought about our luggage!  He grows with each trip.  He's even learning how to "pose" for the TSA pat-downs.

So, you are probably wondering what spiritualy application this has for us.  Well, my answer is that there's always room for growth and improvement.  David was in his thirties when he started traveling with us.  He wasn't too old to learn new tricks.  In our Christian life, we don't have to settle or be satisfied with where we are or what we are doing.  We can stretch our minds and habits to accomodate opportunities for growth.  When growth is uncomfortable, we need to trust our spiritual leadership that the pain we endure will provide for better opportunities.  David would never be able to enjoy Disney if he hadn't learned to leave the suitcases in the hotel room. 

When God gives you a situation that seems too painful or difficult to endure, just remember there is a spiritual Disney World waiting for you!

I'M NEVER ALONE!!!!

Anyone who has ever lived with toddlers will understand feeling like the kids are always "right there."  You can't do anything or go anywhere without someone following you.  I get those same feelings with David. 

For the last two and a half months, I have been pretty sick.  During some of that time, David was pretty sick too.  Normally, when David is sick, he wants to be left alone.  He goes to his room, closes his door and sleeps his way to wellness (doesn't that sound wonderful?).  This time, however, he wanted to be close to me.  So, while I was sitting on the couch covered up feeling miserable, he would come sit next to me, put his head on my shoulder and fall asleep.  Sounds sweet, doesn't it?  Well, since I was sick, sweet wasn't the word I would have used...

David's feeling much better, and I am getting better, but am not 100% yet.  Yesterday was President's Day and David was home from the workshop.  Because we leave this week for our vacation David was very interested in EVERYTHING I was doing.  He didn't want to miss a thing.  So, from about 10 in the morning until about 6 last night, I had David within one foot of me the whole time.  When I would go to the bathroom I would have to yell at him to leave and then he would stand right outside our bedroom door.  Those few precious moments of alone time were soon wasted when the dog came into the bathroom and sat down next to me.  Then the cat walked in and started circling my legs.  I can't even be alone in the bathroom!!!  Oh, for just a few minutes of privacy!!!

Today, David went back to work.  I've been "alone" some, but really, there is absolutely nothing I can do to ever be alone again.  Since I have trusted Christ as my Saviour, I have Him living in my heart.  I will never be alone - I may feel alone, forsaken, abandoned, and even betrayed by those closest to me, but I am not alone.  The Best Friend in the whole world is always with me.  So, while I may want some private time, I'm very glad that I will never be alone. 

Are you lonely today?  Ask Jesus to come into your heart - you'll never be alone again!

HAVE YOU LEFT YOUR MARK?

Our home has two bathrooms on the main floor.  One bathroom is in the master bedroom, and the second bathroom is right across the hallway from David's bedroom.  In general, Rich and I use only the bathroom in our bedroom, and David is supposed to use the bathroom across from his bedroom.  However, David loves to use our bathroom.  I don't know if it's because he likes looking at the reading material we have in there, or if it's just the thrill of doing what he knows he's not supposed to do. 

Like most children, David does not hide his "sin" well.  He never flushes the toilet when he uses our bathroom.  When he uses his bathroom he always flushes...  go figure.  Anyway, we've become accustomed to having surprises waiting for us when we walk into our bathroom, and the phrase we use is "David's left his mark!"  We know he was there by what he left behind.

As Christians, do we leave our mark anywhere?  Are there signs of happier people, lightened loads, cheered spirits in our paths?  Or maybe people didn't even realize we came through - we were so self-absorbed that we failed to acknowledge anyone else we saw.  Or worse yet, maybe we left a trail of people who were hurt, neglected or abused.

Everywhere I go I want to leave people feeling better than when I got there.  I want to leave my mark of friendliness, kindness, generosity, hope and love.  I want people to know God was with me and that I left God with them, too. 

What kind of mark do you leave?

IS HE CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE MISSED?

Last week, my dog Zeus had a stroke.  We woke up on Wednesday morning and Zeus had no control of his rear legs.  He was dragging himself through the house - it was so sad.  That morning I took him to the animal hospital and he was admitted for treatment to see if he would be able to regain the use of his rear legs or if we would have to put him down.  Zeus was in the animal hospital for two and a half days.  While Zeus was gone, I was a wreck.  I love my pets as if they were my children, and my dog is truly my buddy.  When I'm home, Zeus is always right by me and goes everywhere I go. 

David on the other hand, couldn't care less about our pets.  Most of the time he just steps over them if they are in the way (he has, at times, just stepped on them if they are in the way).  If you tell David to "pet the cat" or "pet the dog" he basically slams his hand down on their head once or twice and walks away.  There are times a cat will be brave enough to jump on David's bed and he throws a huge fit - you would think the house is on fire!

So, while Zeus was gone, I was crying and missing him.  Everywhere I looked I saw reminders of my beloved dog.  While Zeus was gone, David didn't miss a beat.  His life didn't change one bit - if anything it became easier because he didn't have to step over the dog while walking through the room.

My Zeus came home on Friday afternoon.  He's walking like he's drunk, but he is walking.  And I am so excited to see him in the house and to have him by my side again.  I was thinking about my emotions and wondering if I was going overboard when I then applied the same thinking to God.  Am I close enough to God to be a miserable mess when He and I don't get to spend time together, or am I like David and able to keep living my life without missing a beat without time spent with God?  Do I look everywhere in my life and see reminders of my relationship with my Saviour or am I surrounded by things of the world that push God out? 

I love my dog very much.  I love my God more.  I hope my life shows Him how much I need Him in my every action, thought and deed.  What does your life show?

IS THE FRIDGE LOCKED?

One of the challenges of caring for David is keeping him from eating himself into a coma!  David has a problem where he never feels satisfied and full.  He will eat until he throws up and still want to continue eating.  So, at our home, we have two fridges.  One we keep things in of which David is not very fond - fruit, milk, cheese, eggs, etc.  The second fridge has all of David's favorites - lunch meat, granola bars, etc.  Each night when we are getting ready to go to bed we ask whoever is letting the dog out "is the fridge locked?"  We know that David doesn't need the temptation of eating what he doesn't need so we keep him from being tempted.  It just makes common sense.  There have been times we have forgotten to lock the fridge and David will put the padlock on himself.  There are other times that we have forgotten and David will put the padlock on AFTER he has eaten himself silly.   Since David is not strong enough to always fight temptation, we try to keep him from the temptation by making sure the fridge is locked.

Let's relate this to our lives.  As Christians, there are times we are strong enough to fend off the temptation and we can say no to the sin presented to us.  There are other times when we aren't strong enough to say no.  The smart thing to do is to padlock ourselves into protection - put good blocking software on your computer so you don't view anything you shouldn't, even inadvertently.  Make yourself accountable to someone who will check up on you in your Bible reading and prayer.  Have friends that encourage and motivate you to be a better Christian.  A great preacher used to say "You are what you hang around."  Today, I'm going to check and make sure that I keep my fridge locked - my Saviour deserves nothing less of me.

NATURAL INSTINCTS

This morning I was helping David get dressed, as I do every morning.  As David was putting his underwear on he became unsteady and instinctively reached out for my shoulder to steady himself.  After he steadied himself he finished putting his underwear on, then the rest of his clothes and was ready to start his day.  David reached for me when he was unsteady because he knew that I wouldn't let him fall and that I am always there to help him.

As I thought about that I was very convicted...  When I become unsteady in my Christian life instead of instinctively reaching out for Christ, I reach out for my spouse, or a friend.  Why do I do that?  Probably because my heart isn't as in tune with Christ as it should be so I look for a voice I can hear and a touch I can physically feel.  I need to work on making Christ so real in my life that I can hear Him as He offers me comfort and I can feel His presence as He stands by my side. 

So, each time David uses reaches out to me to steady himself, it will be another reminder that I need to reach out to Christ and no one else!

IT'S SUNDAY!!

We really love Sundays in our home.  Rich is out driving a bus, bringing kids and adults to church.  David and I will be leaving in a few moments to go get some young girls to bring to church with us.  There's no way to really explain how much we love our church and all it means to us and all it has done for us.

David loves church.  He loves going and shaking hands with people.  David loves to look at the different ties men wear.  David loves to go and watch his Pastor preach.  Mostly though, David loves his pastor.  Our pastor, Dr. Schaap, has somehow managed to reach into David's autistic mind and grab his heart.  If we are watching a DVD of our pastor, David will stop in front of the TV, point at Bro. Schaap and just watch him.  If we have Bro. Schaap's picture on something in the house, David will pick it up, point at Bro. Schaap and just look at the picture for a long time.  David loves his pastor.

Our pastor has reached into our hearts, too.  We love our pastor.  He is the shepherd of the flock we call First Baptist Church of Hammond.  He truly cares for us - we have no doubt about this.  I hope you love your pastor, and I hope you take time to let him know you love him. 

DISNEY WORLD

Well, David is happy.  Our vacation to Disney World has been planned.  David is learning to finger spell D-I-S-N-E-Y and for now, all is well with the world.  Since we aren't leaving until the end of February, I created some calendar pages that we put on the back of David's bedroom door to help him with the concept of time (otherwise he would want to go NOW!

At the end of each night, we have a family routine.  We give David his nighttime pills, we give him a kiss on the head and tell him we love him.  We've added crossing off a day on the calendar to give David some perspective on when we are leaving.  This seems to be a really good thing for David and it helps us because he knows what to expect.

God has given us a calendar of sorts.  We don't exactly know when Jesus is returning to earth, but there are signs we can look for and "cross off" as they happen and appear.  Our trip to Florida will be here before we know it.  More importantly, our Saviour will be returning for us before we know it.  Please make sure you are ready for His appearing.  You don't want to be left behind.  Please see my blog entitled "His Way is the Only Way" for more information!

SICK...

David has been home sick since Wednesday.  He's had lots of drainage issues along with a deep cough and fever.  David has been so sick he's even turned food down!!  I almost called the ambulance for that!  Just kidding, a little.

Anyway, one thing I am learning when David is sick is that he stops and rests.  If he doesn't feel well, or if he is tired, he goes to sleep.  He doesn't care where he is.  David has slept quite a bit these last several days, and I'm glad because it's been helping him recover.  Yesterday morning we went to church, but David still wasn't 100%.  So, he slept through Sunday school and he slept through church.  I tried to wake him up but he would have nothing to do with it!!

While I type this David is sleeping.  I just went to check on him and I thought how peaceful he looks.  I was glad he was resting.  But I also wondered why we "normal" people don't follow his lead.  I realize that we have more responsibilities than David has, but we push ourselves.  We don't take time to get well when we are sick.  We don't take time to rest when we are tired.  We act as if the whole world will collapse if we don't do whatever we think we should do. 

Don't get me wrong, I believe that if someone is counting on you, it is imperative to do whatever it takes to get the job done.  But how often do we insist on doing the job ourselves instead of asking for help.  We have a martyr personality, as if suffering though some task will bring us accolades and awards.  Usually, all it brings is a bad attitude because of exhaustion and frustration. 

So, as I'm preaching to myself, I'm going to try to follow David's lead and take care of myself.  The Bible says we are to love others as we love ourselves.  We always look at this verse on how to treat others,  but maybe we should look at it as an example of how to treat ourselves!!

GETTING CLEANED UP...

We try to give David freedom to make some of his own choices.  One of the choices he gets every morning is whether or not I will shave him.  I realized on Wednesday how "normal" David is when he asked me to shave him, because David only wants me to shave him on Sundays and Wednesdays which happen to be the days we go to church.  David understands and knows that he is supposed to be clean and neat for the church services.  It doesn't matter how the people in his normal routine of daily life see David, but he wants everything to look just right when he gets to church.

How often do I go to church with everything looking just right on the outside, but I haven't cleaned up the inside.  I go to the services with my heart full of self and pride and the mistaken belief that I'm okay.   Maybe I've not been a submissive wife, or maybe I've not done something I knew God wanted me to do, but because I look "cleaned up" one the outside everyone thinks that all is okay between me and God.  My heart knows the difference, but I still put up the facade of spirituality and righteousness. 

I'm working to pursue God more and more.  One of the things that I am working on is the inside of me - my heart.  I want my heart to be as clean and "just right" with God as the outside looks.  I don't just want to clean up for Sundays and Wednesdays, I want to clean up for every hour of every day.  God deserves my whole heart and I want it clean for Him.

I - N - N... INN

For years, David has known how to finger spell his name and give his phone number in sign language.  He also knows a few other important signs, such as potty, eat, pop, help, etc.  I am now trying to teach David finger-spelling of all words.  This isn't really a difficult task because David enjoys looking at magazines and has often asked us to verbally spell specific words (shampoo, hotel, for, never, Chevrolet, etc.)  My goal is to help David learn to communicate with us better.

One day, while running some errands, we were stopped near a LaQuinta Inn.  Now, if you know David at all, you know that he loves vacations and he loves hotels, motels, and inns.  Anywhere he can lie down on someone else's bed and watch TV is a good thing to him.  So, here are we waiting by a LaQuinta Inn and David wants to spell it out.  Instead of just verbally spelling it, I take the time to teach him how to finger spell each letter.  The LaQuinta part didn't stick, but the Inn part did.  David is constantly (at least from my perspective) spelling I-N-N.  David wants to go on a vacation, and this is his way of communicating that to me.

On Saturday afternoon, Rich, David and I went out to lunch with our older brother John.  We were sitting at the table talking about nothing special when all of a sudden David starts spelling D-A-Y-S   I-N-N.  Days Inn is David's most favorite hotel chain.  He finds their ads in his magazines and comes running to show us and to spell the words out.  So, back to the restaurant.  We spelled  D-A-Y-S   I-N-N  for David several times.  When done, John just starts laughing.  He comments about how David's thoughts are fixated on hotels, and Days Inn in particular.  There was nothing about our conversation that would have prompted David to think of vacation or travels.  Days Inn was just on his mind.  John even related David's behavior to a Far Side cartoon where a man is having a conversation with a dog, but the thought bubble over the dog's head shows the dog is just thinking "woof, woof, woof."

For nine and a half years, our pastor has been trying to get our church to incorporate the very real person of Jesus Christ into our everyday existance.  Bro. Schaap is trying to teach us that Jesus should be a part of every thought we have, every action we take, etc.  Last night I realized that David is more aware of the presence of Days Inns and the joy they give him than I am of the presence of Jesus Christ and all He gives to me.  I was very convicted.  So, my goal is to start walking around thinking about J-E-S-U-S and making Him a part of every thought and action.  Will you join me?

THROWING A FIT!

Today started off like every other day - everything was going great and I was even ahead of schedule!  I woke David up and got him dressed and ready for workshop.  After he was dressed I came to the kitchen and cooked him some breakfast.  Then, when it was time I told David to get his lunchbox so I could take him to work and go to work myself.  That's when the first thought of trouble entered my mind.  I couldn't find my car keys.  I tried not to panic, and I started thinking through the day before to remember where I placed the keys.  Then, the realization hit me...  the keys were locked in the car.  Yesterday was a day of shuffling cars hither and yon.  Because I didn't have any pockets in my skirt, I placed my keys in the glove box when Rich picked me up.  When we got home, I forgot to take the keys out.  By the time I realized my predicament, Rich was already long gone at work, and unable to rescue me. 

Now, I can adjust to having a day home.  There are always numerous things I can do to fill my time.  David, however, is another story.  David is autistic and does not handle change well at all.  David did not understand why one minute he is going to work and the next minute I'm telling him to put his lunch back in the fridge.  He was most upset.  So upset, in fact, that he screamed, cried and threw a fit for over nine hours.  My patience was tried all day long.  Now, it's not David's fault that I messed up his routine, but I did hope he would have some ability to be flexible.  He never did understand, and even now, twelve hours later, David is still upset and agitated.

David's behavior makes me wonder if God looks at me like I look at David.  There are times that God adjusts my life and my schedule in very unexpected ways.  I try not to throw a fit, but sometimes I do.  I try to be flexible and allow God to lead me, but sometimes I pout for hours and unfortunately, days at a time.  While trying to maintain my patience today I couldn't help but thank God for the countless times He has been patient with me and my fits.  I am so glad that "His mercy endureth forever."  Aren't you?

AM I READY FOR CHURCH?

It's Saturday evening at our house.  Rich is away at Deacon's meeting and I am finishing up some printing for Sunday school class tomorrow.  It has been my practice for many years to fully prepare for Sundays the day before so that I'm not rushed and frazzled trying to get out the door.  I've already done my ironing and by the time I go to bed tonight, everything will be ready for tomorrow. 

David loves going to church and he also prepares for Sundays without any prompting on our part.  David knows that he always gets his shower on Saturdays for Sunday, so as soon as we wake up on Saturday morning, David starts asking for his bath.  David also "supervises" me as I do the ironing to make sure that he has clothes for the next day as well.  However, David's most important preparation comes as soon as we go to bed on Saturday night; when Rich and I go into our bedroom and close the door, David immediately takes his Bible and places it on a chair by the front door.  David doesn't want to forget his Bible, because David knows he is supposed to take it to church with him and because David loves his Bible.

So, as I sit here finishing up my Saturday evening preparations, I'm wondering if I'm as ready for church as David is.  Yes, I will have all the clothes ironed.  Yes, I will have all my Sunday school paperwork packed and ready.  Yes, we will all have showered and puffed and powdered.  And yes, I will even make sure my Bible gets packed in my church bag tomorrow morning after I read it.  But sometimes, I wonder if I do all these things because I'm supposed to or because I love the Lord and I want to.  Tonight, before going to bed, I am going to make sure my heart is right and that I am doing these things because I want to.  How about you?

LIVE IN THE MOMENT!!!

We have several routines in our life, one of them involves David's Saturday morning activities.  Each Saturday morning, we take David to the store and allow him to pick out a magazine, a bag of chips and a bottle of diet pop.  This has been a part of David's routine for over twenty years.  I'm writing this on a Friday evening, a little after 5 p.m.  As soon as we walked in the door this evening, David put his lunchbox away and then came and immediately asked me using his limited sign language if he was going to get a book tomorrow.  I told him yes.  Ten minutes later he came out of his bedroom and asked me the same question again.  Ten minutes later, he came into the kitchen where I was and asked me again.  His asking and my answering him will go on all night long.  He's so focused on tomorrow morning's activity that he is unable to enjoy his Friday evening fully.  There have been times we have been traveling on vacation, but that doesn't matter.  Friday night he starts asking about his book regardless of what we are doing.

I know I am so often guilty of going to God and saying, "God, what about tomorrow?  What's going to happen?"  While today is a great day and God has blessed abundantly.  Instead of enjoying what I have, I worry about what may never be.  My goal is to enjoy tonight.  Enjoy the beautiful weather.  Enjoy the time with my husband when he gets home from work.  Enjoy the meal that I was able to cook because God gave us provisions.  I am even going to try to enjoy telling David every ten minutes that he will get his book tomorrow!  How about you ~ what will you enjoy today?

I WANT IT NOW!!!

One of the most frustrating things about caring for David is his inability to understand the word patience.  For example, I made some sausage for dinner tonight.  David really likes sausage and wasn't thrilled with waiting for Rich to get home to eat dinner.  So, while I would stand at the stove and stir the green beans or make sure the sausage water hadn't boiled down, David would be hovering right behind me either asking to eat (via sign language and grunts) or pounding his chest because I said no.  My husband was delayed coming home, so this went on for over an hour.  Times like this make it hard for me to be patient and calm.

As we were driving to church I was telling Rich how impatient David was about dinner tonight, and how he was acting as if he hadn't had a bite to eat in months.  Then I got to thinking if God ever thinks of me in those same terms.  How often have I seen God's Hand working out situations in my life, but instead of waiting for "dinner" to be served I go to God and say, "I want it now!  I don't want to wait for everything to be just how You want it.  Give me what I want!"  God doesn't ever seem to be in a hurry, especially for things I want.  But God knows best and He will serve His work in my life when it's just right ~ not before, and not after.  So, the next time David starts throwing a fit because he can't have what he wants when he wants it, I'm going to remember to ask God to forgive me for my impatience. 

It's Been Awhile...

It's been several months since I have posted anything - not because there has been no excitement, but because there's always so much going on in our household!


David was recently moved to a new line at his workshop and he seems to be adjusting well. Prior to this move, we were dealing with a lot of behaviors with David. The old work line had great staff, but not enough work to keep David busy and out of trouble. His new line also has great staff, but they also have work and activities to keep David busy.


This got me to thinking about my life - I seem to do better when I'm busy. If I have too much free time on my hands I get lazy and restless, and I'm more likely to do things to get me into trouble. When my schedule is full I accomplish more which is good for my ego. I have no doubt God created mankind to work - not just because He had nothing better for us to do, but because He knew we would need the sense of accomplishment that comes from being busy doing things we ought to do. Our God is very smart, and I'm glad I know Him!

Vacation...

My autistic brother David, who HATES change, loves to go on vacation! I personally think it's because he realizes there is a big world out there that he hasn't seen and he wants to see as much of it as possible.

We are in the planning stages of a family vacation, most likely to Florida. We've done the Disney thing numerous times so we are looking at SeaWorld and Universal Studios for this trip. If all goes according to what we are planning, we will leave for Florida in the middle of February, six months from now.

David is incredibly nosy and has been looking over my shoulder while I'm at the desktop and has pulled the laptop out of my lap to see what I'm working on. If he catches me looking at a vacation related site he'll immediately hold up two fingers in the "V" sign - his way of saying vacation. We've tried explaining to him that vacation is at least six months away, but right now it is consuming his thoughts. He'll come running out of his bedroom and wave his "V" fingers at us because he wants to leave now! The allure of an upcoming vacation has taken over his thoughts and he doesn't care about what is going on now. We try to plan our vacations to "tourist traps" during the off-season. The parks are not as crowded and it's easier to manuever David's wheelchair without hitting someone! It's also cheaper to go during the off-season and we like saving money!

So often as a Christian, I act like David with God. I pray and ask God for something specific and I become so consumed with my request that it becomes all I think about. God's timing may be months or even years away from answering, but I lose all focus of the present expecting God to give me my wants NOW! Right now might not be the best season for God's answer to come, but I don't care because my request has taken over my thoughts.

Although we'll probably never get David to understand the gap in time between planning and actually traveling, I hope as a Christian that I can try to trust God during the gap in time between asking and receiving.

Pain is a good thing...

Part of the challenge of caring for David is the fact that he does not respond to pain like most people. I've always been remotely aware of this, but a few years ago it really hit home when he came RUNNING down a flight of stairs to ask us for something to eat. When he got to where Rich and I were, I noticed his foot was all swollen and bruised. We took him to the ER and found out he had broken his foot. David never cried, flinched, or seemed bothered by his broken foot. Several months later, he broke his other foot, and again showed no sense of feeling pain.

Recently, I've had to deal with some minor sores on David's feet. He came home from his workshop one done with a blister on each foot. Because he doesn't feel pain, he made no effort to be kind and gentle to his feet and those little blisters became much bigger problems. After several weeks of attention and care his feet are doing much better, and all he has is some peeling skin and one little sore that's almost gone.

This morning as I was putting vaseline on his peeling skin, I wondered how much of the work we've had to do on David's feet could have been avoided if David only responded to pain like a "normal" person does. He would have stayed off of his feet, he would have left the bandages alone and he would have healed much more quickly.

Most Christians do not like pain. I've even had people ask me why God would expect them to suffer so much when they are putting their trust in Him. I always say that pain is a good thing. Pain tells us that something is wrong and something needs to be fixed. Prolonged physical pain, with no obvious reason (like walking into a wall) tells us we should go see a doctor. Prolonged emotional pain tells us that we should seek some Godly help.

So often we (I'm talking to myself here, too) try to tough the pain out and just deal with it. That's not always the wise choice. Untreated pain can become constant and can really interfere with our productivity and enjoyment of life. The Bible tells us to cast ALL our care upon Him, for He cares for us. What an invitation to sit down and get some help! Sometimes, though, we need to get some more fleshly help - praying probably won't help you a whole lot if you have a severe fracture and the bone is sticking out of your arm. Don't get me wrong, I think you should pray, but I also think God expects us to use some common sense and go to a hospital and get the fracture set. Emotionally, if you are struggling, get some help. Go see your pastor or Sunday school teacher. Find someone who can help you - all good counselors will point you to Jesus. If your counselor is not trying to get you closer to God, get another counselor - but don't ignore the pain.

Pain is a good thing - let's be thankful that we can feel pain so that we can also feel the healing!